This *IS* Microsoft Windows we're talking about right?  It is *NEVER* lightning fast…  Ever!

Step 2:  Don't actually send the article, instead send me a lame link to your article.

Step 3:  Wonder why you get record hits to To manage your GeekMail preferences, please visit this link

Sorry, I don't go for such things that waste my valuable time.  And sorry Geeks, I don't think you are 'geeky' enough for me.  If you want to impress me with with your geekyness, stop running that Microsoft ASP crap!  Run something that is open source, like all true geeks do!

This isn't the first time that sending me 'article teasers' has quickly killed my subscription, and it probably won't be the last time either. (The first time that I remember was with an article entitled 'Shark Tank'.)  Please don't waste my time with teasers, if I wanted to be teased, I'd hang out at a local place to be teased.  You've wasted my time, and now I've lost interest in anything you possibly could have said to me.

Besides, everyone knows if you want Windows to go faster — Throw it harder!  (Or, drop it from a higher place!) 

Ok, my personal Windows speedup tips: 

1. Max out the Motherboard memory.  (Windows, Linux, FreeBSD, it doesn't matter — If the OS is swapping to disk, it's going to be SLOW!)
2. Defrag the Hard Drive.

3. Uninstall applications you don't ever use.  Unfortunately, unless there's a few dozen or more, you'll see 0 for speed increase — because Windows will fragment the daylights out of the registry, and there's little to be done to restore the performance lost from the horrible registry system chosen by Microsloth.

4. Reload Windows, *AND* only install what you really use.  This really works the very best!  I did this to my work notebook last month, and wow!  It was like getting a newer machine that was twice as fast!  Yes, this took me awhile to do, yes, it took me awhile to locate all the installers for everything I use.  Yes, it was nerve-racking.  Yes, it was annoying.  The payoff was well worth all my of effort!  Reloading Windows every 3-5 years is well worth the effort and trouble!
5. Extreme Geek tip:  Find Linux application that does whatever it is you are trying to do under Windows and use it there!

Under Linux, you find so many choices for doing things.  Don't get yourself in a situation where you think there is only one solution.  (My perl roots are showing here: TIMTOWTDI! — and Oh my..  I couldn't imagine a more-sucky programming language *PYTHON* that thinks there is only *ONE* correct way to do anything.  Why do you think there is more then one sort algorithm out there?  Please use your brain… /me sighs.) 

Ask any Linux user the last time they defragmented their hard drive.  (Yes, they'll give you a weird look.  You see, there are filesystems out there that don't fragment as badly as NTFS, FAT, or FAT32!  They are call EXT2, EXT3, or if you want to be bleeding-edge: EXT4!)  And before I get the hate mail — yes, there are many, many more options for filesystems then just the EXT? !  Linux doesn't give you one or two horrible options.  You have many, many options for filesystems.  Options are GOOD!

In Linux, you can choose great looking interfaces, like the KDE4!  (Forget the Windows 7 interface — you can get that FOR FREE by using kubuntu 10.04 !)  Or, if you don't have the GIGABYTES to spare, use xubuntu.  Why does Microsoft insist on saddling users with overweight User Interfaces?  (HA!  As if the User Interface is the only thing overweight!)   How about giving us a choice, for a change?  I need to use Windows for a Work/Business environment.  I don't need fancy interfaces.  I don't need a 3D graphics card.  I don't need oodles and oodles of memory.  I need a simple OS that is somewhat bug-free and just works. 

Ok, back to my Computer Geeks rant:  I don't do email teasers. Everytime I receive an email that doesn't contain all the information it should, I delete it, and (where applicable) I unsubscribe from the listing.  Please don't waste my time!  My time is valuable, and is getting scarcer by the day!  Why are you interested in wasting my time?  Go away Geeks, you've wasted my time for the last time!

I wish I could afford to stay for the Moose and Catalyst training classes, but I think this year it will be enough to just attend the conference.

Take for example the latest example of “Free” gone wrong: Microsoft’s Free Virtual Server

In order to download the “Free” Virtual Server, you have to register for a Microsoft Passport, and (as if that isn’t bad enough in itself) you have to agree that Microsoft can solicit you 3 times in the future regarding the Virtual Server package.

Compare it with the VMWare offering Free VMWare Player and you’ll see the VMWare offering really is free!

Or how about the “Free” offers I get with my credit card statements? Free for 30 days, and then the automatic billing of $49.95 a month commences. That isn’t Free! Free is you give me a trial of the service and cancel it after 30 days. If I like it, I’ll sign up for it. Automatically billing someone after a period of time is not free. I did re-check the dictionary, and the meaning of free hasn’t changed there either. For shame on those re-defining Free!

I have debated with myself as to whether this should be listed under Humor or not. It hurts my sense of good judgement to put it under Humor. This isn’t funny, this is today’s reality.